Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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