god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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