'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
