i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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