Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
