Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
