Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
