Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
