haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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