i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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