the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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