i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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