so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
