dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
