Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
