Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
