She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It was confusing and full of hummus
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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