Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
