Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
