I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
