I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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