Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
