I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
