last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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