I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
