I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
