Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
