So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
