That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
