no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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