I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
