She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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