I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
