did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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