awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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