I got chris browned last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
