i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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