the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
