When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
