Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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