OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I love having hate sex.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
