i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
