Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
