btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
