Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
