Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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