I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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