What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
