Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
