She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
