Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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