Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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