I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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